What you need to start doing after prolonged maternity leave

04.08.2017

1. To start taking shower with your door closed.

Not going as far as locked, but even a closed door is a pleasant upgrade after the situation of the last 5 years, right?

At last you can set aside 15 minutes for a shower without a setting an appointment in advance with your husband or your mother. Because finally the kids are old enough to be left alone for such a period of time. And also because they can open the door on their own in order to inform you that you have to come urgently to see what happened in the living room meanwhile.

A piece of advice: Don’t give in and calmly finish your shower. You will clean up later.   

For the last one we recommend to stretch it out and delay leaving the shower as much as possible as quite probably the very urgent and important thing is:

A)     Incredibly beautiful element of the lego or the construction game.

 Or

B)     Terrible and definitely not beautiful stain on another thing which inevitably you will have to clean up, so better clean up your self first.

 

2.To start throwing out the toilet paper roll core in the bin.

The closet if full of toilet paper cylinders s just in case. For 5 years they were the salvation on rainy nights -  you have made together owls and foxes, Santa Clauses and even octopuses, but enough is enough. The hesitation with which you will consider each one is quite understandable   yes, the kids have grown up, but what if you need them? Throw away without a second thought, it is time to move on. Soon your children will start school and their quiet evening fun will be transformed into something quite different – writing homework.

3.  To stops saying “oops” every time something falls down.  

And in general, to clear your vocabulary form parasite sounds and phrases related to motherhood. You shouldn’t, I repeat, you shouldn’t say to your colleagues “Did you wash your hands?” after they have returned from the bathroom, “Zip you jacket up!” when they go out for their lunch break and it is quite not ok to say: “When was the last time you cleaned your ears?” It will not help your adaptation to the working team, which will be complicated enough after the long maternity leave.    

4. To stop reaching to your colleagues’ jacket’s collars, when you see that they are having trouble with their zipper.

Let them catch a cold instead of convincing them completely that the maternity leave has destroyed big part of your brain cells. Concentrate on teaching your own kids to handle this extremely tricky device..

 

5. To go back to the hot babe you used to be. Well, almost.

Very radical change of wardrobe will be necessary. While you are probably still wearing the clothes form the first 2 years of having the first child (which are somewhere between 2 to 4 sizes bigger than your current size), you will also have to part ways with the so comfortable “pregnant” pants and favorite man’s T-shirts. And the change will have to start mainly from your point of view. No, stains are not ok. As well as the creative impulses of the children, expressed in a sweet scrawl on your jeans. Sweet for you – weird form the point of view of your colleagues. Unless you are working in the creative department of an advertising agency – then it is “cool”. Or unless your colleagues are programmers. In such case this point is more or less moot.

6. To start sleeping in one bed with your husband.  

After almost five years of “attached parenthood” it is time to send away the last kid in the children’s room and to welcome back the husband, who has been banished to the sofa. It is true that the first night you might get surprised from time to time by unusual weight, sounds and smells, but you get used to it, and there are some benefits as well.:)

 

Author: Petya Koleva

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